The Lens:
Motherhood is a transformative event. It changes you.
I would guess most of us become mothers willingly. We understand, even if we don’t have the full picture, we are choosing to bring another life to this earth. Having made that choice, we understand we are making a commitment, of at the very least 18 years, to that child.
I would like to think I have been a good mom. But, on reflection, I really was just doing what I should have done. All the things I did for my children are things I should have done, including and especially loving them unconditionally.
As I said in my last year’s “Mother’s Day” post, I know not all moms are created equal. It was meant to acknowledge that not all children have mothers who follow through with the commitment they made.
Of course, there are also moms on the opposite end of that idea of moms being created equal, those who take motherhood to another level. Some include those who become mother’s unexpectedly – taking and loving children who, for some reason or another, cannot remain with their parents. Others include those whose children require a lifelong commitment of care.
But, what about . . .
Recently, I watched a documentary called “Mama Bears.” It is about three conservative, Christian mothers who reevaluate their beliefs when they discover they have an LGBTQ+ child.
Is this a case of taking motherhood to a different level when we really should love our children unconditionally?
Life is rarely straightforward. I honestly don’t understand how someone cannot love their child for the simple reason of sexual orientation. Nor do I understand subscribing to a religion that advocates for anything but loving your child unconditionally. But, l am not that religious.
Without getting deeply into the subject of religion, let’s just acknowledge there are people out there who believe, rightly or wrongly, LGBTQ+ people are sinners and going to hell, including their own children.
I live in San Francisco. I know quite a few LGBTQ+ people. And, I know some whose parents have not been/are not accepting of them.
Initially, it may be hard to find the remarkableness of moms who believe LGBTQ+ people are sinners and going to hell, then question and discard those beliefs because of their love for their child if you think they should just have loved their child in the first place.
But, it really is remarkable and speaks to the transformative nature of motherhood.
Two moms in this documentary upended their lives. They gave up family, friends, their religion for their children. One gave up her home so her child could live in a place where she would be accepted. The other started going to pride parades and giving “free mom hugs” to LGBQ+ participants, out of which Free Mom Hugs (freemomhugs.org), “a nationwide movement of love, visibility and acceptance for the LGBTQIA+ community, was born.” Both became vocal advocates for the rights of their children and other LGBTQ+ people.
This takes true courage – to reexamine your beliefs, change your thinking, see you were wrong, leave behind friends and family – all for the love of your child.
The Refraction:
While inspiring, that was a tad bit serious for what should be a celebratory day. How about looking at the more humorous side of the transformative nature of motherhood?
Many years ago, when one of my nieces was a baby, her dad was holding her. Somehow, she got hold of a small wad of paper and stuffed it in her mouth. Her dad tried to get her to spit it out. I happened to be standing next to them. Without thinking, I reached over, stuck my hand in her mouth and pulled it out.
I have no doubt, had I not had kids of my own, I would have never done such a thing. I might have been worried about whether or not my hands were clean or if her mom might take offense at my shoving my hand in her little girl’s mouth. As a mom, I knew the paper needed to come out – now – before it lodged in her throat. The most expedient method seemed to be to go in there and get it. Later, my sister thanked me.
That same sister, in turn, came to the rescue of one of my children. She had a pool in her backyard. Her husband is a scuba instructor. On this occasion, the kids were all swimming around with scuba gear on. My youngest son was a fairly novice swimmer but seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. As you might guess, he started to struggle with the equipment, got somewhat panicky and started flailing.
Though I can barely swim myself, in my own panicked state, I began to climb over the side of the pool to jump in after him. We were both fortunate my sister, who can swim, beat me to it. Fully dressed, she was in the pool in a flash with my son in her arms.
Lest you think this lack of abandon only runs in my family, I relay another pool incident. This time, there was at a party at someone’s house who had a pool. Unlike the previous incident, this was not a pool party. In addition, people were not dressed in shorts and t-shirts as we had been. They were dressed in long pants, shirts, shoes, etc.
At this party, people were milling about the pool when a little child fell in. Another mother jumped in after the child. Unlike the incident at my sister’s where she was able to go inside and change into dry clothes, this lady did not have that luxury.
Which leads to another “water” incident, though not anywhere near as scary as the above. I was in the lunchroom at work one day. There were 15 or so of us having lunch and conversing. At the table next to me, one of my co-workers somehow managed to launch her thermos in the air sending the contents flying all over the table, in her lap, and onto the floor.
As my co-worker sat there stunned and very wet, one “mom” jumped up, grabbed a wad of napkins and began sopping up the water on the table. I took the napkin from my lap, dashed over and began wiping the rim of the table so the water would stop dripping on her.
Another colleague made the observation, “Did you notice, all the mothers jumped up?”