The Lens:
If you have read previous posts, you know I don’t believe in the “good old days.” I believe every generation gets some things right and some things wrong. One of the things I think some of the current generation of parents gets wrong is thinking children can think like adults.
At the school I worked at before leaving to get my teaching credential, one of my responsibilities was to give prospective families tours of the school. Every now and then, I would get a family who would bring along their preschooler/next year kindergartner. They would say they wanted their child to choose the school he/she would be going to.
I would just smile.
But, I couldn’t help but think that is a little on the nutty side. It was a K-8 school. Potentially, and likely, this is where the child will spend the next 9 years of his/her life and receive his/her all-important foundational education. What does a 4 year-old know about choosing a school?
I have seen/heard parents give children all sorts of choice that really should be the parents to make (e.g., diet). I understand the power of choice. People, not just children, are far more likely to feel more positive about something when they are able to choose.
As a teacher of 1st graders, I try to allow students to choose when possible. In a subject like math, there is the curriculum and you have to stick to it. But, for something like writing, I can, at times, give students a choice of what they want to write about.
There are also times when we vote on things like what our writing topic will be or what book we are going to read. Maybe not everyone is happy, but they all feel like they had a say in what we are doing.
There is a lot to be gained by giving children choice. They learn to make a decision. That isn’t always an easy thing to do. They also learn about consequences (good and bad) of choice and that they become responsible for their choice.
And, it gives them a sense of control over themselves. This, I think, is very important. We need to understand that we do have control over certain aspects of our lives which, in turn, helps to reconcile that fact that there are some aspects of our lives which we do not have control.
Still, there is a cognitive issue that needs to be taken into consideration when giving children choice. They simply do not have the maturity, critical thinking skills, knowledge, life experience, etc., to make choices about important life decisions, such as what school they should go to.
If a parent is dead set on letting their child pick on critical decisions, I would certainly advocate for presenting specific choices: Do you want to go to school A or B? Not: Which of the schools we saw do you want to go to?
The Refraction:
We just ended our school year (thank heaven – what a year it has been). I received an email a day or two later from a parent of one of my students (now going into 2nd grade). The parent was very proud that his child had chosen to be Baptized.
He explained that he and the child’s mother had had a discussion with her when she was 4.5 years old about following Jesus and that she had now decided to declare she is living for Jesus.
Though I, myself, am not quite that religious, I’ll admit a bit of pride with the thought that maybe being in my class had help her make her decision. Still, I had to go back to my thoughts of children making adult decisions. What does a 7-year-old know about choosing a religion to follow for the rest of one’s life?
This pandemic year has been horribly stressful. In my “Do Something Beautiful” post, I talk about a nighttime meditation I adopted to help me sleep, one of which is reading and reflecting on a quote from Mother Teresa.
A few days after receiving the email, when I was doing my nightly meditation, another thought regarding my student came to mind. First, this student was always extremely thoughtful. Each day, we would have a morning assembly at school. It would include a reading from the Bible and reflection by the student body president. The principal would then give her own comments, ending with “my prayer for you today is . . .” which she would follow with a challenge for the day.
Because we had a few minutes before Spanish class would begin, we would always have a short discussion as to the meaning of the reflection, the students’ thoughts on it, and the challenge for the day.
This little student, without fail, would shoot her hand up every morning, waving to be seen so she could offer her thoughts. I honestly think she was the only student who really listened (there were times when I wasn’t really listening myself).
As I was doing my nightly reflection, I was thinking, as I often do, of the incredible faith of Mother Teresa. I cannot fathom such faith. But, that doesn’t mean I think it can’t exist.
I do believe there are people who are called to a special relationship with God. (My vision of God has evolved over my years. I use “God” here because that is the context for this post.) Even if I do not feel that calling, I can see deep faith in others and know it is real, not a figment of their imagination.
A biography on Mother Teresa posted on the Nobel Prize website (https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1979/teresa/biographical/) says, “At the age of twelve, she felt strongly the call of God. She knew she had to be a missionary to spread the love of Christ.” It goes on to note she left home at the age of 18 to join the Sisters of Loretto.
One of Sister Teresa’s quotes I read during my meditations recounts when she left home. “I remember when I was leaving home fifty years ago – my mother was dead set against me leaving home and becoming a sister. In the end when she realized that this is what God wanted from me, she said something very strange to me: ‘Put your hand in His hand and walk all alone with Him.’ I didn’t understand it at the time, but this is the life. We may be surrounded by many people, yet our vocation is really lived out alone with Jesus.”
To inject a little humor here, there is a scene in “Sister Act” where Sister Mary Clarence, the faux nun played by Whoopi Goldberg, is asked by one of the other sisters when she got the call. She is a little confused, then stammers, “Oh, the call, the call.” Later in the movie, Sister Mary Robert, the quiet, thoughtful sister, says she always knew she would be a nun.
Some get “the call.” Others never do. It was just always there. I believe that was the case for Mother Teresa. I have no way of knowing, but maybe that is the case for my little student, too.
Maybe my little student doesn’t have the cognitive abilities to make a decision as to what religion she wants to follow for the rest of her life. But, maybe there is something inside of her that is laying out a path for her. Only time will tell.