The Lens:
After a chaotic year of teaching 1st graders during COVID, we planned three back-to-back trips.
It started several months ago with my husband and I trying to make some vacation plans. Not knowing what the situation would be like in the summer, we felt domestic would be the wisest and safest choice. We thought about what haven’t we done that we want to do that wouldn’t be too risky in COVID that we could cancel if things didn’t improve or got worse.
I am not sure where the idea came from, but I thought of Yellowstone and Grand Teton. We had made a loose plan to go many years ago. Our plan was derailed by bad weather, and we ended up in Canada.
This time around, my thinking was, given the situation, an outdoor vacation would be prudent. It also might be easier to get park reservations (it was). In addition, the parks probably wouldn’t be as crowded as usual (always a huge plus). We would be able to cancel the hotel easy enough if things looked dicey. Airfare would be a bit trickier but doable.
Learning a lesson from the last time we booked a trip right after I finished my school year, we chose to go about 10 days after I finished teaching.
Vacation plans done.
Not too long after that, I saw that Yosemite was starting a reservation system to enter the park. Though my family has been many times, we had been wanting to go again for quite a while. Making it a day trip would work if we stayed at our mountain home which is about 1 hour and 45 minutes outside the Valley.
Fortunately, we got a day reservation. Unfortunately, it was three days after I finished school. We would have to leave for our mountain home the day before our reservation, giving me only two days off before heading out. In addition, it would cut into the 10 days I would have before leaving for vacation. Oh well. When it comes to Yosemite, you have to take what you can get.
Not too long after making those reservations, I read an article in the paper announcing that Disneyland was also opening with a reservation system. Feeling like this was a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to go sans the massive crowds, I checked with the troops to see if we wanted to try and go.
All were on board. As luck would have it, I was able to get reservations for 2 days. But, this trip also had a downside. We would leave 4 days after our return from our Yellowstone/Grand Teton trip.
A day or two after purchasing the (expensive) Disneyland tickets, I started having buyer’s remorse. I was exhausted from the school year. What was I thinking planning all of these vacations so close together right after school closed? But, there was no going back.
As the time approached for our Yosemite trip, I began checking for room cancellations. We were able to get overnight accommodations at Yosemite Lodge. Yay! Not only is it preferably to stay in the Valley, it would also mean we could drive directly to Yosemite and home, bypassing the need to stay at our mountain home, and cutting one day off of the trip.
At this writing, we have two trips down, one to go. We have been home for two days from our Yellowstone/Grand Teton trip and have one day before we head out again. I am not quite as exhausted as I thought I would be but I am tired. I would kill for a day or two or three or more at home before heading out again.
The Refraction:
Toward the end of our trip, driving through the Grand Teton, as usually happens when I am on vacation, I was starting to feel a bit homesick. I miss the comforts of my own home – my family, my cat, my bed, my recliner, eating at home.
I mentioned to my husband I was ready to go home. He felt the same. I got a bit snobbish, thinking out loud that living in San Francisco might make us feel a little more longingly about home than maybe some other place.
Somewhere after that, the song “Coal Miner’s Daughter” came on. I am hoping you know a bit about Loretta Lynn. If you don’t, she was a pioneering female country singer/songwriter. She began her career in 1960 singing about what she knew – her life. She was raised dirt poor in Butcher Holler and became a country music legend.
Her most famous song, “Coal Miner’s Daughter,” which eventually became the title of her autobiography and movie about her life, is a mini biography of her life. Apparently, the song was extremely long and her producer did not want her to record it.
She pared it down to describing her childhood, like not having shoes to wear in the summer and working hard. Her lyrics include, “I never thought of ever leaving Butcher Holler.”
She goes on to say:
Well a lot of things have changed since a way back then
And it’s so good to be back home again
Not much left but the floor, nothing lives here anymore
Except the memory of a coal miner’s daughter.
Something about the way she sings the word “home” just gets to me. You can hear a deep, longing love of the place she grew up. If you want to know more about her, check out – https://www.lorettalynn.com/bio/.
I got to thinking about my longing to go home and erroneous idea that location had anything to do with wanting to be home. Butcher Holler doesn’t sound like any place I would want to live. And, still, I clearly understand how good Loretta would feel to be back home.
I thought about another time in my life when my children were young and we lived a few years in Texas. I did not want to be there. Due to some business that needed taking care of and a family wedding, I went home with my sons for 6 weeks one summer. It was so good to be back home again.
By the end of the 6 weeks, though, I was worn out and exhausted. My husband drove out with me and the boys, then flew home. He then flew back and to drive with us back to Texas. He had to drive the whole way as I was too beat to drive.
I remember getting back home and talking to a friend (also a transplant to Texas). I said, “I never thought I would say this, but it is good to be home here in Texas.” He said your home is your home.
When you are living there, home is about where you lay your head, your belongings, your comforts. When you are away or move, home is about your memories.
When we were in Texas, I missed everything about San Francisco. I missed my friends and family. I missed the surroundings. I missed the weather. I was so excited about being able to go “home,” that I didn’t realize it wasn’t really home to me anymore, or at least for the time being. My home was now in Texas.
It was a short 2 ½+ years before we came back home to stay. We would be in SF three weeks before our belongings would arrive. Once our tenants had vacated, we moved back into our SF home sans all of our things being shipped. We had brought with us our fold up camping table, some camp chairs, blow up mattresses, and enough other necessities (e.g., dishes, utensils) so we could “camp” in our house until the rest arrived.
It wasn’t comfortable but it was glorious. There was a feeling of being home that I am not sure I have felt anywhere else.
Since that time, we have moved from this house and then, back into it again. When we returned, there was, once again, this deep feeling we were truly home.
As I said, though, once you leave, home is about memories. I have the fondest of memories in my San Francisco home.
I think about Loretta Lynn and the house I grew up in. I wonder what it would be like to walk through the San Francisco house I grew up in. What memories would come flooding back? What emotions, if any, would I feel?
This brings me to yet another thought . . . the movie, Forrest Gump. We come to realize Jenny, Forrest’s friend, was abused as a child. There is a scene where she returns home. It was not at all the same reaction I had coming home. Yes, Forrest Gump is fiction, but it shows the powerful place home is, positive or negative.
“Home” may be the most significant surrounding that molds who we are. It is the place where we are free to be who we are, the place we hide in, the place we gravitate to, the place we avoid, the place of shame, the place of pride. Home is all about the experiences and the memories.