The Lens:
It was a lovely autumn day in the mountains. With COVID still running rampant, options are limited on things to do. So, my husband and I decided to drive to Pinecrest Lake and take a short walk. It was an invigorating 64 degrees. Not too cold, yet brisk enough for the air to be crisp and clean, a welcome and stark change from the warm, smoky skies we have been experiencing.
The lake was calm and quiet. I am guessing COVID kept the crowds away, making it a most peaceful escape from all the world troubles.
Created by a dam and partially drained, the lowered lake left exposed remnants of trees removed and the rocky terrain covered by water. I thought of my son, the one with the keen eye who takes amazing pictures, that he would have a field day here. I wondered what details, angles he would see that I was missing.
I’ll admit, I am bit envious of his talent for photography. I have always loved taking photos and can take a pretty good picture. But, he has me beat. Still, I am not one to be put off, so I pulled out my phone and snapped a few shots.
I enjoy Facebook (though lately it isn’t as much fun with the election in full swing). It is my guilty pleasure. I am not a 24/7-er. I try to limit logging on to once in the afternoon or evening during the week, and once in the morning and afternoon/evening on weekends. I am not a serial post-er either, but enjoy throwing a few things up there every now and then.
When we got back, I shared a few pictures on FB with a simple caption of having had a nice autumn walk. As I was posting, I started thinking about FB and social media in general. I thought about the people who complain that FB is just a place for people to brag and show off. People write to advice columnists complaining about this stuff. And, the advice columnist usually responds that people’s lives usually aren’t as great as their posts make you think.
I wondered if my post came off that way – like I am bragging about having spent a wonderful day on a hike in the mountains. And, I thought about life not being as great as a post might lead one to believe. I really did have a lovely walk – all things considered. I was fighting a migraine, and the fresh air was soothing. But, the pain was still there. It wasn’t a completely idyllic walk by any stretch of the imagination.
The Refraction:
Bear with me on this one. Not reading to the end would be like walking out of “Pulp Fiction” before the credits roll.
Let’s start with a few TV shows:
Did you ever watch “Sienfeld?” In one episode, Jerry and Kramer are talking about a girl Jerry had gone a date with. Jerry asks Kramer if he thinks she is pretty. Kramer replies, “She’s a natural beauty. No makeup.” In the elementary school (grades K through 8) my children went to, girls were not allowed to wear makeup. I thought this was a great thing. Girls are bombarded with “beauty” almost from the get-go – all the pretty little infant outfits, bows for their hair or band if they don’t have any, not to mention television and movies. We do not give our girls a chance to be comfortable in their own skin.
Then there was a “Cheers” episode on beauty. The lovable but not too bright bartender, “Coach’s” daughter was about to marry a rather sleazy character. He was a salesperson who worked under her at their company. “Lisa” was not what most people would consider beautiful. She knew this guy was only marrying her to get a prime sales territory but had no other offers.
Coach cannot understand why she is marrying this guy. She explains her lack of suitors, this is her only proposal. That can’t be, a mystified Coach tells Lisa. “You are beautiful,” he says. Surely she has men falling over her. She asks her dad to look at her, really look at her. Coach realizes she looks just like her mother. Lisa says to her father, “Mom was never,” she pauses looking for the right words “comfortable with her beauty.” Coach replies that she is beautiful no matter what she looks like, and that she gets more beautiful all the time, just like her mother.
Finally, I watched American Idol for a couple of seasons. In one season, when Jennifer Lopez was a judge, she was named by some magazine the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. What an insane title. Clearly Jennifer Lopez is attractive . . . but the most beautiful of all women in the world? Really? Do women need to be treated with such objectivity? Do we need to be belittled by the media or brainwashed into thinking this is something all women should want – to be the most beautiful woman in the world? I find the idea of naming any woman “the most beautiful” at the very least offensive and could go as far as abhorrent.
I said Jennifer Lopez was attractive. There is a caveat – I have never seen her sans makeup. How much of that beauty of hers is “natural.” Years ago, I was roped into going to a make-up party – you know, one of those home parties where all the ladies get together for a “fun” time, only to endure a sales pitch and then feel the need to purchase something?
At this party, we were “treated” to a makeover. Up until that point, on a really big occasion, I might put on eye shadow, mascara, blush, and lipstick. Never any foundation or base. For most of my life, though, I wear no makeup at all.
It is not that I considered myself a natural beauty. It was more that I never got it right. I had no idea how to match colors, what went best with my complexion, how to put it on properly, etc. I always felt made-up, like I looked like I was wearing makeup, and not very well at that . . . it was like I was wearing a designer gown that didn’t quite fit and all the accessories were wrong.
So, when I had my makeover, imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror and saw a rather stunning person looking back at me. Right then and there, I was sold on the entire $100+ package of makeup. But, good sense got the better of me.
First, I knew I would never take the time to put all that make up on every day. Second, I knew if I did not do it daily, when there was a special occasion where I wanted to wear it, I’d never remember how to put it on and I’d be back to that ill-fitting gown. Finally, I was terrified of the Frankenstein factor. You know, when people get used to seeing you with your makeup on and then see you without it. You look so bad, they think you must be sick or something.
When it came time for my consultation with the rep, she put a lot of pressure on me to buy the whole nine yards. I was starting to get annoyed with her pushing but held steadfast. I bought some lipstick, mascara, and blush. That was it.
It was the next day when I found out the reason for the high-pressure tactics. The party host called me to say that after I left, the rep told her she thought my makeover was fabulous, so much so she felt I would be a great candidate for one of those before and after promos.
I guess that was supposed to be a compliment but I didn’t think so – I could just see the hideous before Frankenstein picture followed by the Cinderella photo with a caption, “If we can do this for her, think what we can do for you.”
Now, I don’t feel like a Frankenstein. I may not be drop dead gorgeous, but I am all right. I am comfortable with my “beauty.” Still, I will put on a bit of make up for a special occasion to jazz myself up a tad.
Think about how much of life is an illusion. From social media posts that highlight the cherry on top and ignore the melted ice cream at the bottom, to all of the people who walk around (men and women) wearing faces, sporting colored hair, that belie what they really look like. The people driving cars or who have other possessions they can’t really afford. Those who choose cosmetic surgery to hide the effects of aging. Etc., etc., etc.
Even Pinecrest Lake is an illusion. When full, there are no signs of the rocks or tree stumps below. Just a beautiful, smooth, glassy body of water to wade or boat in.
We all need to feel good about ourselves. We don’t always need to show our warts or see everyone else’s. I am all for a good illusion – as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and is not about dishonesty. At my age, I can guess that the far majority of people I know dye their hair. Wearing make up is simply what people do. I wouldn’t count these kinds of things as dishonesty. People aren’t really pretending.
But, for our own sanity and sense of self-worth, we should realize that what we see often isn’t what really is. That, then, makes comparison impossible. All things would need to be equal for a comparison to matter.
Want a happier life? Put envy aside. Look hard in the mirror. Look deeper beyond the reflection staring back at you. Find your natural beauty, for, in reality, that is the only beauty that truly exists.