The Lens:
I went to the grocery store for a quick pick up. At the deli counter, I could see on the wall one of those number counters to keep track of who is next. Only, I didn’t see any number dispenser.
There was a couple standing at the counter. The man was kind of looking in my direction. So, I asked if he knew where the number dispenser might be. He didn’t.
I took a spot next to them, properly distanced, and looking to the employees behind the counter. I hear my name prefaced by Auntie. I look to this woman standing next to me. It takes me a second to realize it is my niece-ish. Niece-ish is my term for my “nieces” who aren’t technically my nieces, but I consider nieces.
In my defense of not recognizing her off the bat, she had her mask on and was wearing a baseball cap. All I could see were eyes. I’m not sure I would immediately recognize anyone under those conditions.
Like so many others, I hadn’t seen her for nearly a year. I even missed her wedding. We couldn’t be at the service due to COVID and it being scaled back to a bare minimum. But, my son and I did an invited “drive by” after the service. I have met her now husband on several occasions but he also was masked, covering his distinctive mustache.
It was just jarring to see this person I have known since she was born, celebrated every life milestone with, and not immediately recognize her. Still, it was so wonderful to see someone I have been missing. We could only chat for a few minutes, but it left me with a happy heart.
The Reflection:
For many, many years, I have felt we, as a nation, as a people, had made great strides toward becoming blind to nationality. With all that has happened over the last few years, clearly I was entirely mistaken.
I had felt that if the racist rhetoric wasn’t spoken, it would eventually disappear. Out of sight (or hearing), out of mind. Our children wouldn’t hear this and, therefore, not internalize it.
But, as they say, actions speak louder than words. Even if we had eliminated bigoted language (which we are far from), we have not eliminated bigoted thought. Those thoughts lead to a disparity in how we treat others. Children notice everything.
When was the last time you looked at the human skeleton? Maybe came across a picture of one? When you looked at the skeleton, could you tell the person’s race? Gender? Sexual Orientation?
Once you strip away all of the hair and skin, we are all pretty much the same. We are all made of the same stuff. Here was my niece, someone I not just know, but know extremely well, and when all I could see were here eyes, I did not immediately recognize her.
We rely on our eyes too much. We rely too much on arbitrary things, like what we see, to make our judgements of people. This goes far beyond skin color. We judge people on their physical looks. The world reaches out to you positively far more the younger, better looking you are.
I wonder what the world would be like if we were all blind, if we had no idea what we or others look like. Would we still have this deep-seated racism flowing through us? Would we have our gender stereotypes? Would we value youth over age? We will likely never know.
I saw a Sidney Poitier movie, “A Patch of Blue,” quite a long time ago. It is the story of an African American man (Gordon) who befriends and decides to help a blind, white woman (Selina) out of a bad living situation. Selina falls in love with Gordon but he is wary. He knows there is a race issue but feels she, being blind, has no idea.
It’s just a movie. Still, we get to experience how what we see is such a salient feature in our relationships with others, and yet so utterly and completely superficial – figuratively and literally.