The Lens:
I posted “Patience Is a Virtue” four months ago. The world had changed eight months before. Actually, I guess it changed a few months before that. We were just a little slow to catch on to the gravity of what was happening – as is often the case when things start to fall apart.
If you can put the months together, you might figure out why the revisit to this post. It has been 12 months since stay-at-home orders came in San Francisco. Yes, a full year since we were told to stay home to avoid catching/spreading a deadly disease that was taking over the world.
Fortunately, much of the turmoil I mention has subsided. However, we are still mired in this pandemic. Relief is coming. Vaccines are rolling out. Yet, we have no timeframe as to when we might get back to “normal” – though, we have no idea what “normal” will be once this is over for we are surely permanently changed by it.
Four months ago, I advocated for patience. Now a year into this with no definitive light at the end of the tunnel, and even my patience is wearing thin. I needed a booster shot. Here is what I wrote in November (and my booster shot):
I don’t think we can understate what a year this has been. We started with a pandemic that is still in full swing. We became embroiled in a seemingly never-ending fight against systemic racism in this country. In California, we experienced devastating fires that kept the sun at bay for a day here in San Francisco. There have been equally devastating storms across the south and east. And, we had an election, at the end of four tumultuous and divisive years, that took days to call after the election day.
I am tired. A friend emailed recently asking how I am doing being back in the classroom with my 1st graders. I responded, “How am I? Tired. Really tired. Actually, exhausted is a better word.” I don’t think I am alone in my exhaustion. It isn’t just being back in the classroom with my students (and having some following along live online). It is everything.
My mom was a member of the Greatest Generation. If you are not familiar with the term, it is attributed to news anchor, Tom Brokaw, and signified a generation who lived through the Great Depression, then sacrificed greatly for the cause of World War II. As I have said before, my mom said WWII changed everything.
I was a child during the Summer of Love and Vietnam War. I was aware of the unrest. I knew they were troubled times. But, I didn’t feel threatened by it, nor did it impact me in any significant way in terms of day-to-day living.
Once I hit adulthood, it seemed a time of relative calm. We had occasional major upheavals, such as the White Night Riots and Rodney King Riots. But, people rose up in anger, then life went back to “normal.” I have often thought that my generation and those after don’t know real, prolonged suffering. That, in turn, can lead to the inability to empathize or care beyond ourselves, and can make small things seem more important than they really are.
For the first time in a very long time, we are suffering and in a prolonged way. I still don’t think it compares to the suffering of the Greatest Generation. Yet, on the other hand, we have been hit with crisis on top of crisis in short 8 months’ time.
When I had my first child, I had a fast, hard labor. I remember the nurse telling me what I lacked in time, I made up for in intensity. I have always felt my labor, as bad as it was, was preferable to a long drawn-out labor that leaves you utterly and completely depleted.
Today, I feel like what we are lacking in time, we are making up in intensity. And, like my labor, I feel this is probably far preferable than year upon year of dealing with a singular crisis. But, that doesn’t mean this is easy and without significant pain. We know relief will come. Still, we are left with the unknown of how long it will take to get there and how much more we will be impacted until then.
The Refraction:
Patience is a virtue, so they say – or maybe so they used to say. I can’t think of the I last heard that phrase. Patience is a thing of the past. In a world consumed with instant gratification, patience is irrelevant. But, that lack of patience leaves us ill-equipped to deal with waiting when there is no other option but to wait. Today, our lack of patience exacerbates the stress we are feeling.
It seems, in general, we are living in a less genteel society. We have taken our individualism to an extreme. We seem to longer care about anyone but ourselves.
I am not making a case to go back to the good old days. The “good old days” is a fallacy. The good old days depends on your individual life: the more privileged you were, the better they likely were.
They often also require quite some selective memory. My childhood was far more carefree than that of children today. We also had a freedom children today couldn’t possibly imagine. We could leave the house in the morning, free to do whatever we wanted as long as we were home by dinner. Those were indeed carefree times.
Or were they? Children of my generation could get a ruler cracked over their head at school by an angry teacher. And, you wouldn’t go home and tell your parents for fear of getting hit again. Not so carefree in that light.
What I am making a case for is to revisit virtues, for taking a small step back in order to move forward. The pendulum always swings and we have swung far away from our individual character.
Psychology Today says of virtue: “Many people do not associate virtue and good character with joy and better relationships with others. But virtue is connected with these . . .” and virtue “is the substance of and means to joy and deep happiness.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ethics-everyone/201509/two-reasons-pursue-virtue)
Isn’t that what we are all looking for: joy and happiness? If we look at just the one virtue of patience and its impact on how we are feeling today, patience provides us fortitude to weather the storm. The pandemic will end. It may take a while, but it will end. Think about how much better we would feel if we could remember that all we need to do is ride this out.
I know this is far easier to do for some than others. Your livelihood may be precariously dangling by a thread and time is of the essence. Riding out may not be an option. Then, it is time to move on to other virtues like optimism and courage.
When your existence is hanging in the balance, it may be hard to believe what I am saying. But, I have lived it. Over the years, my husband was laid off from two jobs, both when we had young children. When it looked like that might happen a third time, he made a bold move – he took control of his situation and started his own construction company. His business began slow, but steadily grew and eventually provided a very comfortable income, that is, until we hit a major recession. Yet another storm to ride out.
There were many things that kept us going. Savings wasn’t necessarily one of them (most of the time it wasn’t). Optimism that we could figure this out got us through. Courage to make changes we had to make to survive got us through. Self-discipline, like cutting back, got us through. Yes, we were very stressed, but we got through.
How do you start to become a virtuous person? (So lofty sounding!) Take one virtue at a time. Pick one that appeals to you. Pick one, like patience, out of necessity. Work on it, master it, then go on to the next. What is waiting for you is a life of joy and happiness.