The Lens:
There is an inspirational saying attributed to Oprah Winfrey that pops up frequently on social media: “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”
I was reminded of that quote yesterday. My morning routine includes reading the New York Time’s Morning Newsletter, a recap of the previous day’s news. Saturday’s newsletter always starts off with something lifestyle related. I really don’t care too much for these intros – rarely do I read them.
But, this one caught my eye. (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/28/briefing/better-half.html)
It was titled “Better Half,” with the byline: “The midpoint of the year is an opportune moment to look back at where we’ve been, and set our sights for where we want to go.”
I am a reflective person and the idea of taking stock of the year at mid-point intrigued me. It was kind of a mini-article on mid-year New Year’s Resolutions. One line stood out to me: “You might resolve to spend more time with people around whom you feel like the best version of yourself.”
Sound familiar?
That prompted me to look up the saying attributed to Oprah. When I checked the quote to verify she indeed said that, I found that isn’t exactly what she said. Here is the exact quote:
“You need to surround yourself with people who are going to stimulate, inspire and lift you up, who are going to give you energy and not take energy away from you and if you are around people who are taking energy away from you, that’s an energy drain and that is the sign from your instinct, your inner voice, your intuition, to say, let them go.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdh3ALLRSDw
Not quite the same as the attributed quote. Still, similarly inspiring, maybe even more so.
The Refraction:
Or not.
I’m all about being the best version of yourself. So, it might seem strange that I had a problem with the “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher” quote.
I got stuck on the word “only.”
On the surface, it sounds like a great idea – be around only people who lift you up. How can there be anything wrong with that?
The problem I saw was if you are the one being lifted, that means the person lifting you hasn’t surrounded themselves only with people who would lift them up. If they had, you wouldn’t be in their circle for them to lift you.
But, as we now know, that is not what Oprah said. Her actual statement gives a lot more context than the mis-quote. Again, on the surface, her actual statement sounds like a great idea.
Or not.
I go back to if you have surrounded yourself with people who stimulate and inspire you, lift you up and give you energy, what are you adding to the equation? Unless you are giving back, you are the drain we are being told to let go.
Now, I may be mis-reading or mis-interpreting the intention. There are people who suck the life out of you. Maybe those are the people Oprah is telling us to let go of. And, I agree we should.
This all comes down to life being a balance between give and take. If we want to be the best versions of ourselves, sometimes we need to take, but we also need to sometimes give – we can’t always be lifters and we can’t always expect to be lifted either.
Funny, the quote that started this exploration, the one from yesterday’s NYT’s Morning Newsletter – “You might resolve to spend more time with people around whom you feel like the best version of yourself.” – is one that, to me, is closest to the mark.
Givers can sometimes have a hard time taking. “Spending more time” is a call, a reminder to nurture yourself, to bathe in the light someone else can shine on you, to allow yourself the gift of seeing yourself through the eyes of someone else.