The Lens:
My, how time flies when you are running crazy. Each summer, I make a list of things I want to get done. Most summers, I make abysmal progress on the list.
One of the things on my list is to tend to my blog. More than half my summer is over and I haven’t written a single post. So, this is the one of my list tasks I decided to tick off today.
But, that requires something to write about. I have ideas all of the time. Too many times, though, if I don’t write them down when I think of them, I forget what the idea was.
I do have some notes I have made. But, there is an additional writing roadblock when I look at my ideas – I have to be in the mood to write about that particular topic. I might have a great idea for a weighty topic, but unless I am in the mood to delve into a weighty topic, the topic is filed for another day.
So, what, on earth, am I writing about today?
I have no idea. I am tired (why I don’t exactly know but, as I say all too frequently now – it is an eternal state). I keep thinking about all of the things on my list (like writing in my blog) and wonder if/when I will get to those tasks.
I also just want to take it easy for a little while. I run around like a mad person during the school year. Summer is my time to rejuvenate. It can be fulfilling to accomplish some of the many things I want to do in life, like genealogy research, but often it is not what I would call rejuvenating. At times, it can be downright frustrating, like when I can’t find the information I am looking for doing my ancestry.
All I know is the school year is coming quickly and I am starting to feel anxious. I feel like I have this gift of time and I am wasting it. I should be ticking tasks off my list like mad. Instead, time is simply ticking away.
In January, I wrote about a new year’s resolution I made a few years back to be more cognizant of time. I even bought an hourglass to remind me to not take time for granted. I’m not sure the resolution was a complete failure, but close. I may not take time for granted but I still don’t come close to using it wisely.
The Refraction:
As I look back on what I have written so far, I think about “why.” Why don’t I use my time efficiently.? Why, every summer, when I have the opportunity to do what I want when I want, do I accomplish so little? Why is it that valuing time and using it wisely are clearly important to me and I still squander it?
Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe. Maybe not. Time is truly a precious gift.
A topic of conversation among my friends is often retirement. Many of my friends have retired. Many have plans in place. Then, there is me. Thinking about it. Thinking it sounds great but not really sure what I will do when I get there.
It is all about this issue of time – how to use this gift? I need purpose. I look at how I spend my summers and tell myself, if this is all I am going to do when I am not working, I might as well work.
But, honestly, I don’t know how much longer I really want to work. The grass looks pretty greener on the other side.
I constantly whine about not having the time to do the things I want during the school year. And, yet, it seems I don’t get a whole lot more accomplished during the summer.
I think it all comes down to a simple answer.
A friend was talking today about her and her husband’s retirement plan. She commented how the pandemic has been a good way to ease into being at home and being productive.
During the school year, I know exactly how much time I have – what is work time, what is leisure time. Because my leisure time is so sparse (or feels that way), I think carefully about what I want to do and plan accordingly.
During the summer, when I have an abundance of leisure time, I just go with the flow day after day. Sure, I have a list . . . but, I don’t say, ok, today I am going to do this or that. I get up, go about my morning routine of chores then look at the list – or not.
I am the ultimate organizer. Years ago, back in the day before cell phones, my sister-in-law gave me an organizer, that is, a little datebook, think of an analog PDA. Ok. PDA’s don’t really exist anymore either. Think personal organizer app. Her husband said to her something along the lines of, Don’t you think she is organized enough?
So, the simple answer is structure. I need to build structure into my summer, just as I do during the school year. Everyday has the same number of hours whether I am working or not. I should treat those hours the same whether I am working or not. Time is a gift. It’s all about how we use this gift.