The Lens:
Funny how the memory works. One memory leads to another, and another, and so on.
I read an article recently about aging and forgetfulness, of particular interest as I get older. There was good news in the article. If I remember it correctly, the writer compared the mind of someone on this earth for a lot of years (by human standards, that is) to that of a computer – the more you put into it, the longer it takes to retrieve information.
When I read it, I remembered a time when my kids were young. Children never forget anything. Tell them we can go to the movies on Saturday, and you will wake up Saturday morning to a little face in yours asking when are we going to the show.
They are not very forgiving when you can’t remember what you said, either. I’d get a “how could you forget?” It is easy, I would answer, when you have a thousand things on your mind.
Seems I was onto something there.
A full mind can also lead to a bit of scatterbrain. Case in point . . .
At this same point in my life, I would occasionally come home from grocery store with some mystery item. “What the heck is that?” I would think to myself. My husband would wonder, too, only he would wonder out loud. “What the heck is that?” he would ask. The conversation would then go something like this:
“I bought the wrong thing.”
“How could you buy the wrong thing?”
“It is really easy to do when you are tired and harried.”
He didn’t get it.
When I think about buying the “wrong” thing, I am reminded of the time I took the harried shopper to a new level.
One Christmas, my sister-in-law gave me a great Eddie Bauer vest. I love outerwear – I am always cold. Only I prefer vests with sleeves.
So, a couple of days after Christmas, I went to Eddie Bauer to exchange the vest for a jacket. I found the vest but in jacket form. Yay! Unfortunately, being after Christmas, the pickins’ were slim.
There was no size small, only xs, large, and xl. The large and xl were out of the question. I was undecided on the xs. It was a little snug, but I really liked the coat. (I am the princess and the pea, Goldilocks – take your pick – everything needs to be just right.) So, I stuck the jacket back on the rack and shopped some more.
Not finding anything else to my liking, I decided to go for the xs. I went back to the rack grabbed the jacket, went to the counter, made my exchange, and went home. When I got home, I put on the jacket to show off to my husband only to find instead of picking up the xs, I picked up the xl . . . dang!
I jumped back in my car and rushed to Eddie Bauer fearing the xs would be gone by the time I got there. Luck was on my side – the xs was still there. I made my second exchange, and headed back home.
I tried the showing off thing again. As I am walking around the house in my new xs jacket, I found it was just too snug. I knew I wouldn’t wear it. It would just sit in my closet, a reminder of a purchase I should not have made.
With much trepidation, I jumped back in my car and, once again, headed to Eddie Bauer. Luck continued to be on my side.
First, I went back to the rack, this time to find a size small. In the time I had been going back and forth, someone must have returned a small. Second, when I got to the counter, I did not see either of the two clerks who helped me before. It was obvious what I had done – my dozen or so receipts all stapled together – and I did explain but at least I explained to a new face.
I can thank my harried brain for my new coat. I still have that coat and absolutely love it.
The Refraction
I said my husband didn’t get how I could keep coming home with the wrong thing. One time, maybe. But over and over again? That is, until he started doing it himself. There is nothing like not just walking but being completely in someone else’s shoes to change your mind.
This week, I read a story to my first graders about hen who goes for a walk and comes across a school. She thinks the school is a fancy farm, the little kid stools in the classroom are milking stools, the baseball in the baseball mitt are an egg in a nest, and so on. She is making sense of what is strange to her based on what she knows.
I guess it is only human to frame our perceptions based on our own experiences. Yet, there-in lies a major problem. If we can only view things through one lens, we are blinded to a multitude of other sights.
When was the last time you couldn’t understand someone’s actions or thoughts? When that happened, did you stop and ask, out of a pure desire to understand, why is it that person did that or feels that way? Most often, our questions are framed in a way not meant to enlighten but to discredit or belittle the other person.
Today, we are knee-deep in lack of understanding. I admit I am one who can’t understand the ideas some people have. My solution has been to avoid all conversation revolving around hot topics unless I know, without a shred of doubt, that person and I are on the exact same page.
That isn’t the best solution either. Yes, I avoid conflict. But, there is no attempt to bridge a divide, to reach a middle ground, or to simply agree to disagree.
There isn’t a soul on this earth who I have agreed with 100% of the time. We shouldn’t expect that we should all live in perfect harmony. But, we should expect the opportunity to be heard and understood. We should also expect to give this same opportunity to others.
Maybe our differences are so vast we decide to part ways. That is ok, so long as we broadened our perspectives in the process.