The Lens:
The above picture was taken at 11:00a.m. in San Francisco on September 9, 2020. There were no filters used, no Photoshopping. This very accurate image is what the camera on my phone captured.
I woke up that morning and thought it was rather dark. I went through my regular morning routine getting more and more uneasy. It wasn’t getting any lighter. Outside, there were high, thick clouds, certainly not uncommon. Yet, the sun has always been strong enough to shine through. Not this morning.
As I wrote in “The Evacuation,” California (the west coast, really) has been besieged by fire. We had been dealing with heat and smoke for weeks– a very unpleasant combination. San Franciscans, with our temperate climate, are not known for our tolerance of heat. That intolerance is made worse by the lack of air conditioning. On this morning, we would deal with something far worse.
The news of the day explained that smoke from the fires was floating high above the clouds and creating somewhat of a blanket, blocking out the sunlight. Not comforting. Try going about your day like everything is a-okay when the sun doesn’t come out.
Even more eerie, the morning actually started to get darker. By the time I took this photo, it felt more like 1:00a.m. than late morning. I threw in the towel on my lesson plan for the day. Instead, I did art, and some other activities with my remote 1st graders. Some seemed fascinated. Others scared. I was scared, too.
The day went on. Occasionally, it would start to lighten, but then go dark again. By late afternoon, we finally got a bit of relief – it was no longer like night. It was more of a dusk. I went to bed that night dreading the next day. With all that has been happening in the world, I didn’t think I could take another day without, well, day.
I know there are places in the world where the sun doesn’t shine. But, it is not expected to. It shatters the soul when a fundamental truth, such as, the sun shines during the day, doesn’t happen.
The Refraction:
There are all sorts of refractions for this one. But mine came the next morning. As usual, it was still somewhat dark when I got up. Yet, it seemed better than yesterday. As I took my shower, the bathroom got lighter as the morning light gradually came through the skylight. There were still high clouds. It was not going to be the brightest of days. But, the daylight was going to come.
I stepped outside. The smell of smoke was strong. And, still, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of renewal. The air was wretched, but it was light.
I thought how throughout my entire life, I have always taken the sun for granted. I never questioned it would rise in the east and set in the west. And, even though, that did happen the day before, that wasn’t enough. I needed the evidence, the gradual brightening that would eventually turn to a gradual darkening, for me to believe that truth. I thought I could cry for the relief.
About a week and a half later, I stepped outside. The sun was out. The sky was blue. The air was clean. There was a gentle breeze blowing from the ocean. A glorious morning. Aside from the birth of my children, it was the most glorious day of my life.
Much of my life, I have taken mornings like this for granted. 2020 has certainly been a year. Yet, through all of the disruption, death, and unrest, I have become aware or reminded of the so many things I take for granted every day.
Most of us will probably not be sorry to see 2020 end. Yet, it has provided us a window like no other into the truths we thought to be self-evident that aren’t quite as evident as we might have thought. If there is one positive thing we can attribute to 2020, it should be that our eyes were opened – opened to our fragility, to the evils of complacency, that our struggles never really end – they just go dormant for a while, then come roaring back with a vengeance.