The Lens:
Several years ago, my in-laws started to really fall apart. Age and health issues (along with some relationship issues) reached a crisis point. To make a very long story short, my step-mother-in-law ended up passing away. My father-in-law (FIL) was incapable of living on his own, so my husband and I decided to move in with him (me taking a leave of absence from work) until we could figure out his living situation.
In hindsight, I think that was a mistake for many reasons. For this post, though, I will only focus on one – us moving into his house rather than him moving into ours. It seemed to make sense at the time. His house was far bigger than ours and had an apartment downstairs where we could stay.
Immediately though, the conflicts arose. Everything – and I mean everything – had to be done his way. No matter that I was the one who was doing the work. He wasn’t going to tolerate anything other than what he was used to.
I’ll give an example. It became immediately clear that their coffee maker didn’t work. It was a Keurig K-Duo Plus Single Serve & Carafe Coffee Maker – an important detail. Now, I have more coffee makers than anyone should own – regular drip 12 cup (2 actually), French press, stove top percolator, 42 cup urn, single cup Keurig, and more.
I could have easily brought one of my coffee makers from home but none of them was a Keurig K-Duo Plus Single Serve & Carafe Coffee Maker. I had no doubt he would have questioned – grilled is probably a better word – as to why I replaced his coffee maker. I would need to explain it didn’t work and he would tell me it was fine.
I was so sick of experimenting with how to get a good cup out of this thing and never succeeding that I finally ordered a new Keurig K-Duo Plus Single Serve & Carafe Coffee Maker. When it came, I had to clandestinely switch it out. Fortunately, my husband and I put out the garbage, so my FIL never saw the evidence of the switch.
The best part of all was I could finally make a good cup of coffee and my father-in-law never knew the difference.
The Refraction:
Actually, that last statement isn’t 100% accurate. My FIL never knew I switched out the coffee maker. But the first day that I made coffee with the new coffee maker, he said quite enthusiastically, “You make a good cup of coffee!”
Yes, I could say I make a good cup of coffee, but it is not hard – if you have a coffee maker that works.
I worked in Catholic schools for more than 20 years. As part of the regular accreditation process, each Archdiocesan school decides on five learning expectations – outcomes we hope for each of our students upon graduation. These outcomes are one of the ways Catholic schools differentiate themselves from one another.
While the learning expectations vary from school to school, invariably, one expectation each school chooses is for students to be lifelong learners.
As a teacher, this was something I tried to instill in my students. It was not empty counsel. However unintentionally, that is how I have lived my life. Becoming a parent, going back to school, new jobs, new friends . . . every time we do something new, we are learning.
As teachers, we had regular in-services. Students would get a day off so we could attend. One time when I reminded my first graders they had the next day off, one asked why (always curious little things). I told him teachers had to go to class.
He was amazed – don’t teachers know everything, he asked incredulous. No, I told him. We are lifelong learner just like we want them to be.
It is not unusual to become more set in our ways as we age. I witnessed this with my mom, and then with my in-laws. Something as simple as a coffee maker would have been too much change for my father-in-law. That’s the coffee maker he knew and that is the coffee maker he wanted.
I think most of us prefer the known. That’s ok, so long as you don’t get stuck there,
Ok, so being a lifelong learner and being stuck in your ways aren’t quite the same thing. But they are very similar.
Both require you to engage your brain. Both require you to step outside what is familiar to you. Both provide the opportunity to expand yourself. Simply put, both require you to think.
There are all sorts of benefits to being a thinking person.
A huge plus . . . you would be less likely to fall for all the mis- and disinformation that has polluted people’s brains and led to them to believe flat out lies. Think how different our lives would be if people would seek truth. (Hopefully the Blue Wave means people are finally starting to think – and care.)
In addition, chances are you would be open to ideas and processes that improve your life. It might be as simple as enjoying a better cup of coffee, or as consequential as helping in the prevention of Alzheimer’s disease.
According to the Alzheimer’s Society, “Staying mentally active helps to build a stronger brain that can better cope with the effects of brain disease as we get older.”
One last argument for becoming a lifelong learner, think about those Progressive commercials with Dr. Rick trying to help middle-agers from becoming their parents (I really love those commercials) and how annoying the middle-agers are, Do you want to be that person who is so stuck, you can’t move forward to a better you?