The Lens:
I was talking with my sister-in-law. The conversation wound its way around to the current mood in the US.
We live in a mean, callous time. We have become a nation of people who are rude to each other, intolerant of each other. We feel glee at others’ pain. We’ve become blind to our commonality of being human.
Our commonality . . .
“In minor ways we differ,
in major we’re the same.
I note the obvious differences
between each sort and type,
but we are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.”
Excerpt from “Human Family” by Maya Angelou
That reminded me of something I started writing quite some time ago but never finished.
Remember the flap over the Harrison Butker, placekicker for the Kansas City Chirefs, commencement address?
I don’t follow football, so until the flap, I had never heard him. He set off a bit of a firestorm with his commencement address at a conservative Catholic School. From the comments I was hearing, he was telling women what to do (stay at home), denouncing LGBTQ+ individuals, and more.
My awareness started with an article by Scott Ostler in the SF Chronicle taking issue with the contrasting reaction of the NFL to Butker and Colin Kaepernick. Then came the follow up Letters to the Editor regarding Ostler’s piece.
Having my interest piqued, I began to notice news articles about the speech as well as reaction to the speech by the NFL and Butker’s teammates, all of whom seemed to be saying, while they didn’t agree with all Butker had said, he was a good guy, good teammate.
Then, the story popped up on Facebook. A FB friend was all over this. She made a few posts ranging from why she was not a mother, recounting how her father had encouraged his daughters to be “strong, independent women,” and recalling going to a friend’s house and the father telling them, in essence, that what they studied in college didn’t much matter as they could always get married.
I also saw a quote from Maria Shriver taking Harrison Butker to task for his stated opinions.
My own reaction to his speech was forming quite negatively having only read reactions and snippets of the speech, not having read the speech itself.
I decided to educate myself. I started with Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. They called their teammate a “good guy.” They made clear they didn’t agree with what Butker had to say, but felt he was entitled to his opinion.
I took great exception to this. It sounded more to me Butker was telling women how to live their lives. Upon further thought, though, I realized I still didn’t know what, exactly, Butker said.
So, I found his speech online and read it.
Wow.
There was a lot in that speech. I don’t even know where to begin in trying to recap. I’m also not sure there is anything in that speech I don’t take exception to. Had I been sitting in that audience, I would have walked out.
But I wouldn’t have been in that audience. It was the commencement address at a conservative Catholic college. While I am Catholic, I am in no way a traditionalist. He was speaking to his audience, not to me.
And, for the most part, it was his opinion. He did not actually tell women that being a mother and homemaker was her highest calling, but it was undeniably implied.
Still, I took great exception to the digs he made at the LGBTQ+ community. Why was this necessary? Sure, if conservative Catholics want to buy into the traditional Catholic life Butker advocates for, that is their choice. There is no need to be mean.
As with so much of what we are seeing of Christians today, to me, that is the polar opposite of what is means to be Christian.
The Refraction:
I go back to Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce and their assertion that Harrison Butker is a “good person.”
As I said, he took what I feel was an unnecessary dig at LBGTQ+ people, a dig that did not enhance his point. He also took a bit of another unnecessary dig at his teammate’s girlfriend, again, with no real point. He used inflammatory words like “diabolical” to describe the lies he feels women are being told.
He justified his “speaking my mind” as a platform given to him by God. This is what God wants him to do? To me, that is pretty darn presumptuous. He puts a completely unqualified weight to his words. He can speak his mind, not because God gave him a platform, but because he is afforded that right by the Constitution of the United States.
But, back to being a good person. I’m not sure I would agree with Mahomes and Kelce that Butker is a good person. But then, I don’t know anything about him aside from his speech.
That got me to thinking, what is it that makes a person good?
In my Saints and Sinners post, I talk about the imperfections of some of our most revered historical figures. We are all a product of our times. We all make mistakes. We all do things we wish we hadn’t. We all have hurt others. We all have been wrong at times to the detriment of others.
So, how do we define what it is to be good?
Since there is no one close to perfect, I’m not sure we can.
I could picture some complicated system by which we employ a balance scale – the good on one side and the imperfections on the other. We assign weights to the good in us and to our foibles. We put them on the scale and see how the scale tips.
Would someone be a good person if the scale simply tilted to the good, or would there have to be a certain ratio of good-to-bad to actually be a good person?
It is so very complicated. I’ve got no answer for this. Hypothetically speaking, let’s say Butker goes out of his way to disenfranchise LGBTQ+ people but also goes out of his way to help people affected by a horrible natural disaster. Does one deed cancel the other? I’ve got no answer for this, either.
There was a great aunt on my husband’s side who was known to speak her mind in the name of honesty and, at times, would say things that were quite hurtful. Another aunt, who was truly kind, took exception to her “honesty.” Honesty isn’t the best policy if the end result unnecessarily hurts someone.
As I said, we have the great gift of free speech. How we choose to use it speaks volumes to our character and our character is the measure of us as individuals. Do we choose to use our speech to lift others up or to tear them down?
I can’t say whether or not Harrison Butker is a good person. But, I think he would benefit from remembering we are all God’s children and God does not call on us to judge others. Quite the opposite.
Butker, along with a whole lot of other Americans, could also benefit from the words of Maria Shriver, a lifelong Catholic, who melds our right to free speech (what is given to us) with what is found in the Bible (what we make of that gift): “We all have the right to voice our opinions, but let us strive to do so with dignity and respect.”
Too complicated. Then I’ll make it really easy for you. Here’s what my mother always said: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.”